Changing the Rules of the Game

Rules are there to help us. If they are not helping, we should question them and either ignore them, or re-invent them.

My two-year old granddaughter wanted grandad to play a card game. She tends to get what she wants. This was an elaborate version of snap, with circular cards, each with 6 different animals. “Snap” could be called if any one of the animals matched on both cards. The usual rules then applied.

She told me exactly where she wanted us to sit – inconveniently in the corridor outside the kitchen door. But then a granddaughter rule is that they are in charge. As I was about to find out.

These are the “structions” she said, taking them out of the tin and pretending to read them. She gave me a random number of cards and kept the rest for herself.

We played alternate cards onto the pile. That was as far as she followed the rules. Her game was simply to name one of the animals on the card. “No grandad that’s a dolphin not a shark”. I ran out of cards and then continued alone. I was impressed by “racoon”.

The purpose of her game was not to have a competition, and a winner and a loser, it was to name the animals. She dispensed with the unnecessary rules and just kept the ones she liked and which fulfilled that purpose. We had great fun.

Later we went for a walk up the road to buy some milk. She wanted to play I-spy. So of course we did.

“I spy with my little eye, something red”, I offered. She pointed from the pushchair- “that car, my turn”.

It had to be colours. We had blue cars, brown trees, green grass, a blue sign, a grey van, a white window.

I-spied “gold” but that she told me that was not a colour. I tried mixing it up with “black and white” for a cat, but that wasn’t allowed either. The colour rule was very strict. I did get away with a “dark brown” dog.

But the basic premises of I-spy, that the other person has to guess correctly, proved to be superfluous.

“I spy with my little eye, something blue. I’ll tell you grandad” she said without a pause “the sky”.

Rules required for there to be a winner, or a loser were dispensed with once again. We really didn’t need them.

What unnecessary rules do you adopt without thinking? If they don’t support the ultimate purpose of whatever you are doing, are they helping?

We all have simple rules we learned as children or as a result of big experiences. Dos and Don’t.

Be careful, be quick, work hard, earn money, don’t make mistakes, don’t be a loser, don’t give up.

They are usually over-simplistic. They may help in one situation but not another, and yet we apply them universally without thinking. Or they may be someone else’s self-serving rules, imposed on you.

If they are not helpful in the circumstance, dispense with the “structions” and do what fits the purpose, feels good and feels right.

My granddaughter has an endearing rule that she makes the rules. In the long run that won’t help her. She will learn when she grows up. For now, she is having fun with grandad.